The Screwtape E-mails

In the spirit of The Screwtape Letters, with just a bit of updating.

By Miguel De La Torre

On Wed, Dec 4, 2013 at 5:36 PM, Screwtape This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. ; wrote:

Dearest Wormwood, It is with great pleasure that I hear of the success you are having with your Christian patient. Just because they say they follow the Enemy does not mean they are lost to our Father below. Some of the greatest Christians throughout the ages have led crusades, genocides, conquest, and invasions, all in the name of he who will not be mentioned. Followers of our enemy should not be encouraged to turn away from the one crucified; quite the contrary, they should be prodded to be zealots for the cause — hating and condemning those they perceive to be in league with us. Nothing gives us more joy then to see those who call themselves by our Enemy’s name engaged in acts defending he who needs no defenders. The great irony is that greater evils are always performed by Christians fighting those whom they define as evil. Nothing makes the very angels of Heaven blush in shame more than the zealotry of Christians.

Your affectionate uncle, Screwtape

On Sat, Dec 6, 2013 at 8:59 AM, Screwtape This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. ; wrote:

Intolerance is one of our secret weapons. If you can’t get them to physically attack those with whom they disagree, then entice them to participate in character assassination. Stop helping them come up with cleaver and witty rebuttals — experience shows this seldom works — instead attack their character. Call those with whom they disagree stupid, wrong, or angry. If it leads them closer to our cause, have them call their opponents satanic, after our Father’s name below. As long as they are attacking characters, they don’t have time to hear what others are saying. Our enemy’s approach has consistently been to raise consciousness, to force our followers to think deeper. We can have none of this. Cheap shots, angry accusations, and arrogant dismissals get in the way of them listening, for through listening they might repent, and through repentance, they might act. Action leads to change commitments, then they are lost to us. Have them think that belief is all that is needed; just don’t have them act on those beliefs.

Your affectionate uncle, Screwtape

On Thur, Dec 12, 2013 at 3:03 PM, Screwtape This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. ; wrote:

I have been spending much time thinking about the question you pose. I had our administrators at the Bureau of Best Intentions consider your proposal. They agree that the best way to move them away from any commitment to our Enemy is to fuse and confuse their allegiance to the crucified with allegiance to something else. I really don’t care what. Pick your poison. Political party, nationalism, some inalienable right like their guns (which on a side note, we rejoice down here every time more blood is spilled in the name of the Second Amendment). As long as they conflate the enemy with the Republican or Democrat Party; the truth with what is said on FOX or MSNBC; the faith of Jews, Christians, or Muslim — we win. We don’t care which side they pick, as long as they remain hostile toward the other side, unwilling to love, forgive, learn, or join in fellowship. Remember the hymn you learned as a small gremlin: “They will know we belong to the Father of lies by our hate, by our hate, yes, they will know we belong to the Evil One by our hate.”

Your affectionate uncle, Screwtape

On Tue, Dec 16, 2013 at 5:36 PM, Screwtape This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. ; wrote:

Wormwood, I am deeply disappointed with your last report. Didn’t Slubgob teach you anything at the Academy? How can you let your patient engage in actions geared to transform society to be closer to the image of the enemy? Charity — that’s fine. Let them feed the hungry. It allows them to feel good about themselves. Some field reports we have gotten state that at times the one crucified becomes enfleshed among the least of them so that what your patient does to them, your patient really does to the Enemy. Remember the simple formula — charity helps us; asking why they are hungry, then doing something about it, sets us back. I expected more from you.

Your disapproving uncle, Screwtape

On Sun, Dec 22, 2013 at 9:12 PM, Screwtape This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. ; wrote:

Wormwood, you are losing control of the situation. Your patient going to church is not a big deal. It is the type of church that he goes to. To go to a church that teaches putting the needs of the other first, that teaches all are created in the image of the enemy and thus has worth, regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, or orientation is disastrous. Lead him to those churches where the sermons are focused on the individual, on the personal. Salient individualism, what was once called selfishness, is one of our strongest weapons. You are losing him. Don’t disappoint me.

Screwtape

On Wed, Dec 25, 2013 at 5:48 AM, Screwtape This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. ; wrote:

Wormwood, let’s face it, you failed. On this miserable day when the birth of our enemy is celebrated, you let a promising prospect slip through your fingers. He has learned that faith without action is dead. We wanted him to stay dead but you have let him participate in actions — and with each act committed in league with our Enemy, his consciousness is raised so that the Bible which he reads starts to make sense. He is becoming less concerned with dogmas and doctrines and is instead focusing on the dispossessed, the disenfranchised, and the disinherited. Those who side with the global oppressed, side with our Enemy. Our Father below has heard about your colossal failure. The Internal Investigation Unit will be contacting you soon for an interview. It might be wise if we suspend our communications for the moment. But please, feel free in the meantime to follow me on twitter. -- S

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